Rollo and I
“Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it.” ― Epictetus
Wow, its been an interesting four or five days. As I have investigated and used my idea of shame->vulnerability with much success in meeting people, and connecting. I have come out of my depression somewhat. Today, Rollo released what I can consider a paddle to my rear end.
As I have begun my unplugging from the Matrix, there has been a sort of depression hovering over me, three months now. I thought for a while that it had to do with going dark on TheOne. I also thought it had to do with not having enough plates to spin.
I was incorrect, the past couple of days, and Rollo’s ArtificialJoy, make it clear to me what is happening. Applying my reading from long ago, in correlation with the Rollo piece I am reminded.
We are afraid to believe in freewill, our tendency is to avoid responsibility. Applying the Matrix metaphor, Cypher is replugging in, taking the bluepill as it were, to avoid responsibility. It not as Rollo says …..
Still, the want for an escape from harsh realities is certainly an aspect of the human condition. We all have them and for the most part they’re harmless distractions to ease what we can bear of the real world.
The reality is that, at one level, we don’t want the responsibility for our future. Being in the bluepill state, one is within an all-encompassing environment (Matrix), where there are “rules”. If these rules don’t work to your liking it’s the Matrix’s fault, keep applying them. It’s not your responsibility, it’s the Matrix to provide you with your needs being met. But your needs aren’t being met, its the Matrix’s responsibility…. not yours…
Trying to unplug, taking the redill, is saying I don’t believe these rules anymore. Here is where I am, after applying some basics of game. After reading all the signal coming out of the manosphere. I simply don’t believe the “rules” the Matrix has laid down. But I am unwilling upto this point to take responsibility for my future. Which brings me to Carl E Begley’s AfraidtoBelieveinFreeWill.
For many people this post-free will is filled with psychological distress, such as anxiety, guilt or both. Typically this discomfort sets off a need to defend one’s self to escape the impact of awareness that our choice produced a serious consequence.
Rollo hints at this with his work, on The5StagesOfUnplugging
how they apply to coming into acceptance of a previously rejected truth.
But not the why, I am depressed because I am not only rejecting a “truth”, I am ashamed to accept my freewill, I want to avoid it, and push my future onto someone/something else. What is interesting is that I have understood this for a long time, only now I am beginning to realize it in a larger picture sense, hence the depression/avoidance. That there is no one else to blame if the steak doesn’t taste right (Cypher in the Matrix reference). That I don’t have a significant other, that my years embedded in the “bluepill” were “supported” by those around me. They couldn’t see me, some because I wouldn’t let them, other reasons were they saw things through the bluepill prism.
This knowledge creates an anger in me, an internal and external. I struggle with blaming therapy in general, and my own inability to see it. This internal anger, and shame is depression working on me. As I drive through this depression, I can see now the outcome of this once it is internalized, I will be a free man, I am excited about this, but currently a little scared of it too.
I am hopeful that the internalization goes as Rollo predicts……..
NEO: So what’re you trying to tell me, that I can dodge bullets?
MORPHEUS: No Neo, what I’m trying to tell you is that when you’re ready, you wont have to.
