Understanding the hamster within
“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. —Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
I have been doing some research, and trying to write post about love as addiction, or what is known as the ThreeBrainSystem model of love.
Below is a quote from some of that research, and it really hit home as to why the “hamster” runs, when finding someone new, and dating.
“Unrequited love is driven by a cocktail of chemicals consisting of reward motivation chemical dopamine, the adrenaline rush chemicals epinephrine and norepinephrine, also the love chemical PEA, and natures antidepressant serotonin. This chemical experience is tenacious and difficult to control.” – Is It Love Or Is It Addiction
Another piece of the addiction model is that addiction is created and sustained by random reinforcement. One needs to be cognizant that their hamster is going, and the model of reinforcement that causes the perseverating, rationalization. Hopefully one can see that being rejected, or just the thrill of finding someone new, and trying to “win” them over, causes a cocktail of chemicals in your brain to activate. Hopefully with this knowledge you can use it to your advantage to get what you want.
The “addiction” can be ameliorated through the use of spinning plates. I have noticed I have had difficulty spinning plates as I have cleared my table. My hamster is going, and I can’t seem to control it.
As I have researched the addiction model of love, I have become sort of depressed about the whole idea that love is nothing more than chemical control. The what is really going on when you meet someone you are attracted to, is that you are trying to “insert” a virus into them so they become “addicted” to you. We play with random reinforcement, don’t call for a couple of days, et al. in order to create this “addiction”. We try to excite certain portions of the targets brain to activating chemicals to be addicted to us. When a guy is successful or understands women, he is able to activate those chemical reactions.
We are in competition with others, to insert and maintain our virus in the host. This chemical warfare is a prelude to the chemical war that is waged in SpermWars.
The whole idea of Alpha/Beta is reframed to be behaviors that activate or lower, the random reinforcement. As Rollo says, perfect is boring. It’s boring because it doesn’t activate any of the addiction/attraction chemical triggers. Rollo says let her use her imagination, that’s your best weapon….. in other words let random reinforcement do its thing.
If the host is unable to control the stimulus of a multitude of suitors, no suitor will win the host for a prolonged period of time. There is always a new bigger and better deal to be had, this is why communication technology is disrupting the idea of love, is disruptive to a young woman, and older ones too.
The trick for me right now is to try to look beyond this model and see people for who they are. But this model it will always be in the back of my mind, it is the redpill.
I had this model in my head from my readings. It all came together when realized hiking with Patricia. She had her hamster going for a guy that is treating her like dirt, she’s been with him 14 months, twice as long as we were together. It’s the dirt that keeps her coming back, the random reinforcement, to being treated poorly, she is “addicted” to this. Its a sort of unrequited love. The addictions is reinforced by talking about it with me and her friends, or perserverating over it while trying to get to sleep. Its interesting getting inside her head like this, so I asked her about me, and she said I was “perfect” for her……… interesting that is the same thing Angela said………..
Its not that women or men want “bad”, its that we become addicted to it easily, trying to figure the target out. It would seem to me the less the psychological disordered the individual, the less this would be true, but also the less passionate the individual would be…… just a thought.
